Sex, Love and Rock n Roll Radio

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Fetish Part I... Piece I wrote for Lip Service Webzine

The Webster dictionary definition of a fetish is, an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression (www.merriam-webster.com, 2009). Hmmm, that’s a mouthful of psychobabble.



For those you who prefer English, a fetish is an object of desire, something that is typically out of the ordinary, which arouses you or turns you on.
So, do you think you’ve got a fetish? Maybe you’ve got a foot fetish with a special liking for freshly painted shiny red toe nails, black fishnet pantyhose stockings slipped into a snug shiny patent leather high heel platform boot or pump. Or maybe you are a masculine man type who gets a surge of excitement when wearing female panties? Or maybe you’re so fetishistic that you live in bondage clothes and eat, breathe, and practice S&M in your sleep.
Chances are that given the atypical nature of fetishes, it is quite possible that at some point you have felt embarrassed, ashamed or just downright closeted about your fetish, because after all it’s really no one’s business what you do behind closed doors, right?

Well, yes and no. First of all let me assure you that having a fetish is actually a quite normal happening. We are predisposed to be sensually attracted to and turned on to items of the tactile nature. Even seeing pictures of a woman or man’s naked body can be considered a fetish, though based on the normality of such things it gets brushed under the rug. This brings me to my second point. Fetishes come in all shapes and sizes.

How you got to your fetish is your own business and your own journey. We are often classically conditioned to find certain things arousing at an early age when our parents and teachers didn’t even want to think we were sexual beings….What happens is that we are exposed to something right at that precise moment when we are ripe and ready, and we start to feel aroused and BAM! it becomes a sexual fetish that resurfaces and lasts for years to come.
Read: If you’re of the live, breathe, eat, sleep fetish nature, no one can prevent you from expressing your fetish and you are already further ahead on your fetish journey than most will ever go ….for you know the importance of embracing your fetish. Which brings me to the crux of today’s discussion.
You see, the thing about fetishes is, especially if you keep them hidden and tied up in your closet, a secret from the rest of the world, they then have a tendency to go sour, fast. An unchecked, unaccepted, unappreciated fetish has the propensity of becoming an obsession and a compulsion.
Your best bet is to fly your fetish flag, by this I don’t mean that you have to be loud, proud and out of the closet. Just be realistic. Embrace your fetish! If you have a partner, this is especially true, let your partner in on what it is that turns you on. Fetishes are great for fantasies and role-play, which in turn are great ways to turn up the volume on and add spice to your relationship. Plus, your partner will feel appreciated and loved that you thought so highly of your relationship by letting him/her in on your little secret. And chances are, you will feel better, too.

To Get More Satisfaction out of your Relationships and Sex Life
Visit Mou Wilson, A Los Angeles Sex Therapist at Los Angeles Sex Therapy