MAN UP and OWN YOUR THREESOME!
My boyfriend keeps joking around about us having a threesome with another woman. He keeps saying it would be hot to bring a third person- another woman- into the bedroom. I usually ignore him, but more recently he has become more persistent and he even asked if i would seriously consider it. I'm confused, I want to please him. I've never been with a woman, and I fear this means he doesn't love me. He says he does love me, and this is just to spice up our sex life. ~ Francesca
Girl, my first question, Is this something you want to do? I mean you said you’ve been ignoring him until now, and that just makes me think a threesome is not something you’re really all that into. Why the hell would you even consider a three-way after ignoring it for several months? You have to have some desire to have a threesome before blindly doing so just to please your boyfriend, give me a fucking break....You are a sexual being too with a mind of your own, right?
You should only get involved in a ménage a trios (that’s French for three-some) if you want it, not because you want to please him. That would be a mess. He’d get what he wants and you’d get lost somewhere in-between the sheets. Ewwww. Have some self-respect already. I mean you guys can trade, say for example, if a threesome isn't really your thing but you might be willing to do it if he is willing to do something sexy and HOT for you in return. Don’t give up the goods without making sure there is something in it for you in return.
And just for the record, threesomes can be scary, messy and complicated. And just by pure virtue of the physics, someone could potentially end up feeling left out or hurt. Jealousy and insecurity are relationship and passion killers and there is no room for that crap in a three-way. To have a threesome you gotta put that jealous, insecure, “I don’t know if he loves me,” bullshit aside. Can you do that? I mean if you are in a trusting and stable relationship with someone, jealousy can be something you address openly. The thing about jealousy and insecurity, too, is that a threesome won't be enjoyable. These are pretty serious, heavy and deadly emotions to be hanging around in the air should you decide to bring another woman, man or pony into your midst. Deadly.
Threesomes can also be an excellent way to explore your fantasies for swinging, voyeurism, exhibitionism and same sex relations.
The point is that you need to stand up to yourself and to your boyfriend. If you are going to even consider it at all you have to flat out 1. Know what you want and 2. Ask him what he wants. What is his idea of a threesome? Does he mean penetration, oral sex, anal sex? Get the details out of him. Girl, you need to know. Don’t let him push you around all willy-nilly. Let him know what you are and aren’t ok with. Maybe you don't want him to kiss her. Maybe you don't want him to fuck her doggy style but you are willing to watch a little from-the-behind action while he's spooning her, and maybe you are interested in tasting her fruits but you just haven’t come to terms with your freaky side yet, which is something else you might need to address and own. Who the hell knows, my point is that you have to know what you want, and then own it. You have to know what you can and cannot handle and these limits (or lack there-of) really do need to be discussed, and defined, so you can both be satiated.
If your boyfriend says something to the effect of, “All these fucking rules will spoil the moment”, tell him to grow up and grow a real set of nuts. He needs to recognize that your relationship needs to be stable and on solid ground first for a threesome and your relationship to work. You two must be on the same page. The rest can and will happen spontaneously, and “in the moment.” The bottom line is that you want to please him and get your needs met too. What “man” wouldn’t want that? (Throw the word “man” in there to really drive the nail in…. men cannot handle women thinking they are somehow less than full grown…. To them size is everything..) If he still does not want to define parameters with you, seems unwilling to meet you half way and/or thinks you are being overly sensitive/insecure/jealous/whatever, then frankly he needs to shove off and go have a three-some with his hand and some lotion, as his motives for having a threesome may not be as genuine as you’d like to think.... I have news for you sister, he might actually be one of those sleaze-balls looking to have his cake and eat it too.... Just tell him “Sorry, dude,” the threesome is not happening and neither are you!
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