When the Internet first started gaining momentum, I wanted to be a part of this new media wave and craze, and to this day I see the world wide benefits and uses of the Internet and the Web.
Let's first talk about my favorites, all the social networking sites. These have been a great way for people to keep in touch with high school classmates, family members, reconnect with old friends and to even make and develop new friendships and relationships. Dating sites are big these days and are a popular way to get into the dating scene from the comfort of your own home, assuaging all the anxiety provoking, somewhat monotonous or mundane small talk and other fear inducing aspects of dating, getting to know someone in person to where they can do it online via chat or email. The ability to post pictures and blogs where you can discuss anything from your hobbies to your experiences, makes it easy to have an entire life on the Internet, get to know people, and to build an entire social network. Not to mention marketing products and product development. You can run your entire business from the Internet, be it a retail business or an entertainment business. You can market your music, you can market your videos, you can market your writing. The uses and benefits of the Internet are endless. I'm a big proponent for internet marketing, social networking, blogging, etc.. and in general utilizing the multifaceted and multimedia web wisely, effectively, and productively.
Relationships can also develop, grow and flourish on the Internet. Shyness, rejection, and low self esteem can all be combated via the plethora of dating sites, friend sites and networking sites.
Introverted people who have a hard time being heard in a crowded venue can develop intimate and meaningful relationships in intimate settings. Chat rooms give everyone an equal opportunity with it's inability to judge someone physically thereby making it a safe place to meet new people.
With the advent of the Internet, pornography also has a new found home where it can breed, thrive and flourish. Pornography of all types can be found on the Internet. Whatever your flavor it can be found. If not, it can be created, uploaded and distributed. Widespread. Dispersed. World Wide. No restrictions, no censorship, no judgment, and completely anonymous. People are getting exposed to elements of sexuality that may have never even crossed their minds, which is opening minds and creating exposure. This is, for the most part, a good thing. Our society could use a little more exposure to (read:) healthy forms of sexuality and little reminders that sexuality is a human component, and should not be compartmentalized. In developed countries like the United States where each household has a computer, and even more so often individuals have personal computers with personal access to pornography, social sites, individual sexuality also has the opportunity can also flourish.
I believe that masturbation can be a healthy form of self sexual exploration. Masturbation can help one develop an understanding of his/her likes, dislikes in terms of sexuality, what one finds arousing, what specific spots on the body are more exciting or excitable than others. Masturbation can provide elements of sexual discernment, growth and self awareness. Giving oneself the time and space to explore personal sexual enjoyment in the form of masturbation can be a liberating experience and a life long journey, with the self.
With the influx of Internet which provides an element of interaction, as well as anonymity and as I mentioned earlier, a safe space to develop, and maintain relationships the effect of pornography coupled with masturbation can bring about a feeling of having a very personal yet shared experience with something very private and sexual. This can bring about feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, joy and intimacy, but because of our societies views about masturbation and sex, and the anonymous aspect this can also bring about feelings of guilt, shame, and unfortunately can perpetuate unhealthy ideas about sex, sexuality, masturbation and the like.
I have to point out that the risks are huge. Unfortunately not all porn is healthy for one, and too much of anyone thing can turn even the smallest ounce of health thing unhealthy and into an addiction. For people who tend to be more introverted, who have found a safe meeting zone online this can even be an outright social death, and can actually perpetuate social fears. People can hide behind their computer screen for years, content with the interaction they have online and never having to leave their living room or bedroom to have a real relationship. This is virtual reality at it's finest, and as a mental health specialist in the area of sex and relationships I have to say that this is one of the Internet's biggest flaws. I am a liberal, a believer of freedom in sexual expression, honesty and openness when it comes to sex, masturbation, porn and the like. I also have to give props to the Internet for providing said introverts with the outlet to overcome their introversion, via baby steps which can start in your living room. But when it comes to real time socializing, relationships, and true extroversion, we cannot possibly develop these when we are sitting alone in our living room. We cannot grow if we isolate ourselves behind closed doors. It's like trying to exercise in a cage. It cannot be done.
The individual who fears actual face-to-face interaction with the public can hide for years behind the facade of the internet, and in turn never change and never get the quality out of the relationships that they want and desire. The Internet can hold you hostage.
I believe that extroversion is a muscle that you have, that the more you use the stronger it becomes. When I talk about introversion, I am talking about people want and wish to have fulfilling personal relationships, but for various reasons are afraid. I am not referring to workaholics, or those who may also be spending excessive hours online making business connections. Many a workaholics prefer the satisfaction of work and accomplishment to the satisfaction of personal relationships. These people do not spend a lot of time making friends on the Internet. They may spend a lot of time marketing to millions of people and networking with entire groups on the Net, but don't wholly consider this "socializing." They consider this networking, and are likely trying to promote or market something, some product, or some idea.
I am referring to the people who get online to make a connection, whether it personal or sexual, that has little to do with business and more to do with pleasure. These people are willing to spend money on this personal connection. The net on the one hand gives us easy access to a social outlet, and when used properly can instigate change, make you feel emotionally stronger, heed support and communities of support so that you can get out there and socialize, but for too many people Internet provides social-relational crutches, allowing one to avoid real time relationships in the long term, for the faux Internet ones.
The key here is to find balance and to know that you CAN find balance. Too much of a good thing, still, can be addictive, and the Internet is no exception. If you desire significant long lasting friendships and relationships that are healthy, and/or you desire the sexual and personal understanding of a close friend and confidante in real life, the key is knowing that this lies within your reach. Your belief in yourself, your own self confidence, self esteem and actions all can help you to achieve these satisfying real time relationships. Let the Internet be your guide, but don't let it take over your life.
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Visit Mou Wilson, A Los Angeles Sex Therapist at Los Angeles Sex Therapy
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