Happy Winters Solstice!

Happy Shortest Day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Sometimes the months pass so fast, I can't believe it's winter already. Summer seems so close.

My summer and fall were filled with lots of fun, beach, parties and yes drinking!! I've been going through a metamorphosis of sorts in terms of finding new found independence, breaking some old die-hard relationship patterns and relishing in my exhilerated-ness of well being... well most of the time. I recent months however, I've found that it's too easy to hang out with friends and carry on, and get derailed from the reality of life.

There is not better time than the present to make change. That's always been my motto, and to compound that there is really no better time than to make change than today's winter's solstice.
It's a great time to start with gratitude. A deep appreciation for what you do have. Your life, your breath, your friends and family. That's where I am starting. Where are you starting?

Here's yet another article I wrote about change... Have a read!

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Read the December newsletter HERE.

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The Ethical Threesome Review for Couples

How to Have a Threesome and Still Feel Respected in the Morning, 

By Moushumi Ghose

Threesomes are a sort of sexual-dalliance-de-jour as of late, but it’s no secret that men from many different walks of nature fantasize or find the thought of being with two women extremely erotic. Women also are found embracing the concept of threesomes, whatever the gender, her plus two men, her plus two women, her plus a man and woman. Threesomes, are not a new concept. This erotic main course has been around since the beginning of time, or sex, whichever came first.

But there are some downfalls, and intricacies woven into this type of party. First of all, our society praises couple-hood. The twosome or dyad is the most common sexual unit in our society, and is often the primary relationship in a threesome so adding a third party can and often does complicate things.

I’ve had many a women tell me their boyfriend, or male partner would absolutely love to be the only guy in a threesome sandwich, but sometimes, particularly if the woman is not used to or not very desirous of another female, she can feel self conscious, awkward or downright disgusted at the thought, let alone in the act. If a woman is confronted with this scenario, and is not sure how she feels about it, I will point out that then perhaps this is your boyfriend asking you to fulfill one of his fantasies, and yes, he is allowed to do that. I am a huge proponent of asking for what you need, want and desire in our intimate relationships. And in return, I will recommend she turn the tables on him, and not just for arguments sake, but 1) to see if there is a double standard here she needs to know about, or should be worried about, and 2) to know if he would he be willing to fulfill her fantasy for her? This is the real question she should be asking him.  Will your partner reciprocate?

If, let’s say her fantasy is to be with two men, would he be willing to do it? If he says no, then we have a problem here. See many men assume that two women should naturally want to be together, and that therefore this would be pleasurable for him and her, however, if she is doing this more so to satisfy one of his fantasies, he needs to be open to satisfying hers. Relationships are a give and take, a two-way street and built on mutual respect, admiration and reciprocation. Repeat after me: Reciprocation. I love reciprocation and so should you. It is what a relationship is built on. Please embed that into your brain. 

But herein lies the conundrum with threesomes, the third person is not an object but also a breathing human, flesh and blood, individual who needs to now be negotiated into the pact, which is no longer a dyad at this point, even if this is a one-off, a one time deal, or one night stand. The dyad although is the primary couple must now take into account the third persons needs, desires wants. Plus all the logistical stuff. How does the couple meet him/her? What are his/her requirements for participating in the threesome? There are a series of rules, or guidelines the couple and the 3^rd party should adhere to before jumping into the sack together. And these rules need to be drawn up together.

Ladies, if your man wants you to participate in a threesome and you are doing this for him, not because you really want to, please learn to negotiate your needs into the agreement. That’s the bottom line. This is a common fantasy for many men, don’t take it personal, and do get something out of it for yourself too. And, since as a society we’re so accustomed to the duo, the third person may bring up some unwanted emotions. Know this before embarking on this potentially dangerous adventure. If you are insecure or jealous, trust me, it will come up. So come up with some ground rules that make you feel safe, that lets you know your primary relationship is secure first. If that means ‘No Intercourse’ or ‘No Kissing’ with the third party, that’s your call, but do be honest with yourself about what would make you uncomfortable and then tread lightly. Then you gotta negotiate some ground rules with the third party. Remember to get your needs met and reciprocate. 

The key to a successful threesome is defining the ground rules before going in.

The Fixing Business

When we care about someone, or even when we hear someone struggling we have an innate built in response to try and help that person. I call this "fixing" behavior, and unfortunately it comes across as "unsolicited advice." In many cases, it may in fact be better, to just listen, and empathize. Being a moral support may just be what your friend wants. Read more here.