Sex Therapy and Kids

When we think of sex therapy we generally assume this takes place with and is for adults or couples only. But in actuality there is a gamut of information and work that can and should be done with children in therapy and in their daily lives.
If you are a parent, an aunt/uncle, a much older sibling you already know that when it comes to the subject of sex and our children, we walk around on eggshells. The truth of the matter is that children are sexual beings from the very day they are born and to deprive them of sexual knowledge and their own natural expressions we do them a huge injustice, often retarding, or maiming their sexual development and growth.
We worry about overstimulation: that we are somehow being voyeuristic when we encourage kids to talk about sex. We worry that we might encourage or victimize them by educating and informing them. As educators, we worry about not having the parent’s permission. We assume also that many children live in a world where they are protected from sexually explicit material. Yet, I think we know that even the most protected child is exposed to material such as TV, porn, videos of an erotic nature (such as cheerleading and music videos), video games, erotic cartoon characters and so forth. And, all of this info is confusing, yet exciting, and also can be overstimulating. Parents cannot monitor everything, but we can provide the kids with tools to make informed choices. Kids today will be exposed to a lot of sexual content, and will need help to understand/process it.
It’s important to recognize that children are sexual beings. Children explore their bodies alone and with each other. This is normal behavior and should not be shunned. I am referring here to masturbation and mutual exploration (ie playing ‘doctor’ or ‘house’.) Please note: I am not referring to sexual play between two or more youths of disparaging age, or an adult with a child. Age is key here, a child is naturally inquisitive and curious about his/her body. An older individual should not exploit this. (This is illegal and punishable, and we call it sexual abuse) It is important to know, however, that true same-age or close in age peer exploration is a part of natural and normal sexual development.
An example I make is of two girls age 8, who are found being sexual in bed. The parents decide to punish the girls, and separate them from future play dates. The parents are confused, and shocked, they perceive this behavior is wrong.
It is important to know that true peer exploration is common and is also often done with a peer of the same sex. Masturbation is also a natural part of sexual development.
Punishment and shunning of these normal and natural behaviors may lead to shame and guilt about sexuality in adulthood and sexual confusion and embarrassment throughout developmet.
A great book to read on this matter is Sex Therapy and Kids, by Sharon Lamb. If you are feeling ill equipped, under informed, or worrisome about talking about sex, it is important to know that when we’re silent that we’re not providing assistance and that the teens aren’t getting the adult help they need.
When we are silent in response to sexual material brought up by children and/or teenager, we mimic and reproduce the world the child is exposed to every day, one that excites and confuses him/her and provides them with little guidance or space for processing. As adults, it is important for us to take the lead and teach.
A trained psychotherapist in the area of sexuality can also be a great place to start. Punishment and silence send the wrong messages about sex. There is too much uncensored information out there to risk not talking to your kids and/or teenagers about sex.
Much of the info provided in this article was provided by Sex Therapy and Kids by Sharon Lamb.
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©Copyright 2011 by Moushumi Ghose, MFT, Sex Therapist in West Hollywood, CA


To Get More Satisfaction out of your Relationships and Sex Life
Visit Moushumi Ghose, A Los Angeles Sex Therapist at Los Angeles Sex Therapy

Seeking: Guests for Radio Show!

t's all about Sex, Love, Rock n Roll in my world.

If you have experience in any of the following areas: making porn films, prostitution, exotic dancing, dominatrix, are an expert in blowjobs/cunnilingus/anal sex, BDSM, open relationships, bestiality or anything related to sexuality, along these lines, anything BUT the norm, you should message me. I wanna interview you on my upcoming radio show which begins Feb 1, 2011, and I am developing show topics right now.

xoxoxo MOU

Happy New Year!!

I'm getting excited about 2011. Let's make 2011 the year of LOVE and SEX!

I've got some exciting things lined up to get us started!!

Sexy Saturday in January, will present my old friend and colleague, Miia Rautiainen, a Psychologist, Occupational Therapist and Psychoanalyst from Finland. Miia will be exploring the Stress Hormone, how it affects us physiologically, psychologically and of course what it means for us sexually.

My radio show starts Feb 1, 2011 on VoiceAmerica.com, more info on that to come shortly.

And, Sexy Saturday in February, will be a Valentines Day special. Art Therapist, and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Zainy Pirbhai, MFT, will be showing couples the art of intimacy.

Sex and The Holidays for Couples

Here are some quick tips to keep the excitement bubbling this holiday season:

The holidays may be a hectic and busy time for many of us here in the Western world. Although many people have time off, the kids are also off school, the relatives are demanding of our time, plus there is the gift giving, the gift shopping, gift wrapping, the shopping crowds, the parties, attending dinners and work events, not to mention stress about things like money, holiday travel, weight gain frustrations from all the decadent eating and drinking, and so on. It’s a wonder we have any time at all to nourish our partners and relationships, let alone our sex lives.

For the busy holidays, I’ve compiled a list of things you can do to squeeze in some sexy time for you and your partner.

 

1. Sexy holiday Santa/elf outfit. Surprise your honey in your favorite night gown, slip or sexy lingerie of choice, preferably in the color red, but not necessary, and don the old red Santa’s hat. As Santa’s little helper you can decide if your partner has been naughty or nice. Let him know that his wish is your command if he’s been nice. Or perhaps you’ve been the naughty one. Use chocolates or cherries to enhance the evening by making it more delicious. Either way, this play on traditional Christmas can be sexy and fun.
2. Warm bath with Pine scented bath salts.  Your baby has been working hard. Offer to help relieve some stress tonight. Pine scented bath salts not only help one to relax but also inspire the winter holiday warmth. So, after the kids have gone to bed, and the pet’s have been fed, offer to run a bath for your loved one. Turn on the hot water, light some candles, make some hot tea and entice your baby into the hot scented relaxing bath water.
3. Almond oil massage. Is your partner so pooped they’ve tuned you out and are solely focused on watching news or sports on the boob tube? This light massage can be done while they are relaxing. Rub some massage oil or scented lotion on your hands first, then on your partner’s hands and feet. Massage gently.  This is a low maintenance way of inspiring tenderness and then passion after a long and stressful week.
4. Quiet time reading. Reading to each other can be exotic and erotic if the material is sexually charged. Find an erotic novel, turn on the fireplace (if you have one) and curl up together with a blanket and read to each other. The friction and the heat between you two will be undeniable.

These are just a few ideas to get the blood flowing between you and your love. As always the bottom line here is of course, to take some out from your busy schedule and do something out of the ordinary, something special, creative, sexy and romantic for yourself and your partner. This may be a small simple gesture but the underlying message that you deeply care about your relationship is undeniable. This will not just make the holidays more enjoyable and fun but also works towards making your relationship fun and enjoyable as well.

©Copyright 2010 by Moushumi Ghose (Wilson), MFT. All Rights Reserved. To Get More Satisfaction out of your Relationships and Sex Life Visit Moushumi Ghose, A Los Angeles Sex Therapist at Los Angeles Sex Therapy

©Copyright 2010 by Moushumi Ghose (Wilson), MFT. All Rights Reserved.

To Get More Satisfaction out of your Relationships and Sex Life
Visit Moushumi Ghose, A Los Angeles Sex Therapist at Los Angeles Sex Therapy

Reading on Vacation

I'm vacationing in the UK for the New Years holiday season and while traveling have been reading "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian L. Weiss, MD, A recollection of his treatment of a patient with severe anxiety disorder. When traditional psychotherapies failed to help his anxious client, Dr. Weiss resorted to Hypnosis. What he found was a journey into pat lives to unveil many links not just to current psychological disorders but what may be answers to our questions about life after death, before death, reincarnation, our creation and beyond.

"I believe strongly that therapists must have open minds. Just as more scientific work is necessary to document death-and-dying experiences, so is more experiential work in the field. Therapists need to consider the possibility of life after death and integrate it into their counseling. They do not have to use hypnotic regression, but they should keep their minds open, share their knowledge with their patients, and not discount their patients' experiences."
Brian L. Weiss, MD